Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
