He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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