his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
