Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
