I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
