so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
