im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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