Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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