I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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