Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
