Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
