I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
