your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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