i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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