be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That accounts for only three of the penises
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
