is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
