Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
