After last night, I could never be a politician.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
