is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
