He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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