my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
