I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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