Already got asked if we're dating
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
