He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
