I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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