We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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