All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
