how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
