my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
