Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
