Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
