help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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