I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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