Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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