you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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