My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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