Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
what day is it and did you see me today?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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