i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
