this just has baby written all over it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
