the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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