That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
