my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
4 words: hood of his car
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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