i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
