Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
