I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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