do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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