half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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