Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
