i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
