Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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