she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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